Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
