last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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