Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
