tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
