The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
