And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
