piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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