last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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