If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
