i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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