Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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