Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
