I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
