How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
