He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
