She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
