I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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