my mouth tastes like poor choices
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
