I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
