I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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