how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
