first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
