What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
There's even glitter on my cock...
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