I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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