You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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