a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
where are you?
Hypothermia
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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