New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
