I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
