i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
