The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
