Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
