Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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