These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
