she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
