I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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