I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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