That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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