Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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