Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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