So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
