shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
