he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize