my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
