I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ok first of all what the fuck
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
