She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
