can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
