after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
