did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
