best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
