Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
