if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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