i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
