I'm lost and stupid without you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
