where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
