I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
