You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
