I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
