garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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