She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
