if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
