I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
