C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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