I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
