You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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