Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
