I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
