question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
