I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
