Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
