3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
