is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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